Just. Wait.
Okay, so after my post yesterday…it’s just absolutely unheard of from me for two posts in a row…but I have to follow up before I forget.
I still realize it’s up and down, fear or faith, a daily choice. Even hourly thoughts creep up and I battle.
BUT.
Yesterday after work I head to the gym. (Let me preface this story by saying I’ve lived in three different places since moving here, and for each place, my gym luckily has many different locations, so I have choices of most convenient. This most convenient was not the one I’ve been going to since my third move, it’s the one I went to while living at my first house) After the gym, I leave for home and I drive towards my old house knowing there’s multiple ways to get to the highway to go to my current place of residence from there. As I pass over the intersection I was planning on taking to the highway, I realize I’ve missed my turn and think well, about three or four streets up there’s another entryway to the highway, by taking a left on Poplar Way and Larch. So, I continue down the road and I get to 44th, which is a few streets BEFORE the Poplar/Larch intersection. I think to my self “Self, I could take a right on 44th and SURELY get home faster than going a few streets up to Poplar/Larch.” So I do, I take a right on 44th, not knowing exactly where I’m going, but knowing I’ll get home. I turn on my GPS and look to it for guidance. Well, as most of us know, Seattle is NOT the most sunshiney, cloudless city in the world…so the clouds interfere and I can’t get a GPS signal (atleast that’s what I blame it on…darn clouds). I make a few turns, mostly guesses based on my internal compass that God blessed me with……riiiiiight. So at this point, the whole 20 minute ride so far, I’ve been praying and crying and seeking and anxiety ridden about life in general. I’m praying to God for answers to many questions/anxieties I have. After that 20 minutes though…I realize I’m lost…and I begin to simply pray for the Lord to get me home. Forget the worries of life! I’m just hungry, lost, driving around on dark-twisty-middle of nowhere roads and I just wanna get home! (alive preferably) So, I forget about all my life strife for a moment and concentrate on finding out where in the world I am and how I get home. I drive a few more minutes, and then begin talking to God as I go. “Lord, THIS is how I feel in life! I’m in a car alone, not knowing where I’m going or what I’m doing. I have absolutely no direction and I feel as if I’m just in a life that’s dark, twisty, and in the middle of nowhere. I miss my family, friends, boyfriend, and just having a purpose. I’m full of anxiety over my life because I feel as if I have to work for you, when all you ask of me is to WORSHIP you. But it’s hard to worship you when I’m muddled with all this anxiety. THIS is how I feel, no direction, no purpose, no reason to wake up in the morning. Lost on a road with seemingly no way out, and no direction or guidance to get me to where I don’t know I’m going in the first place.“ This prayer is basically me telling the Lord that I am in a season of my life that is the equivilant of a lost road trip. As I crest over a hill I see what looks like a little bit of a more heavily populated area. Praise the Lord! CIVILIZATION!!! Ahead I see an interesection that looks promising, I could taste the highway now, and considering I had been all over for about 30 minutes, I figured just get me to a highway, it doesn’t even have to be the one I’m looking for, I know the highways around here and can get to the one I need. As I get closer and closer to the intersection, I read the street signs:
POPLAR WAY AND LARCH
Baha! I take a moment, and begin to cry/laugh/cry/laugh. I know EXACLTY where I am AND it’s where I would have been had I just gone the extra 3 or 4 streets up earlier in the trip home instead of trying to find my own way on silly 44th.
I am baffled. In this moment, God says, “Aleigh, Just. Wait. I had you on a straight path to Poplar Way and Larch, but you chose 44th. In your life I have you on a path to a certain point, but the past few months you’ve chose a different route, I will STILL get you to that certain point. Just. Wait. Stop choosing all the 44th’s in your life…let me take you STRAIGHT to the intersection. Your 44th’s are simply you worrying and being anxious. Not to mention, you waste time being anxious that I mean for you to just worship me, enjoy me, live for me. Love, laugh, live. Worry is not my plan for you. I have a plan for you, hold fast to my hope, the hope of the cross and the empty tomb. Stand firm in me. TRUST me. BELIEVE in me. GIVE IT ALL TO ME.
JUST. WAIT.
Wait for the LORD; be strong, and let your heart take courage; wait for the LORD! -Psalm 27:14
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